Getting Over It Already

A week before I walked away from my former career, I also had a blow-up with the man I was seeing. That means that I blew up, and he said ok and walked away. There were clues, there was a reason for my explosion, but still the suddenness and completeness were a shock.

It was also months ago now, so why do I still miss him? I have theories. At first when it seemed to be taking too long, I theorized that really it was a lot to let go of all at once (because it was), and that I was probably still taking the career out on him but in a different way. Okay, not thrilled with that, but I can deal with it.

As I decompress, the further I get out of the woods, the less sense it makes to still miss him as much as I sometimes do. My friends roll their eyes at me and tell me it's over he's gone he is NOT the right guy. I know they're right. I know it. That seems really obvious at this point. It's just that in the instant he sat down at my table I distinctly heard, "here he is", and so I believed and went with that.

For a moment I considered hypnosis. There is a method which can totally reframe an event or a person... there is a way to erase someone. .....Wow I really don't want to do that. There was way too much good to want to erase him just because of the less than good. Especially since that's all it was - less than good. It was not a traumatic relationship or situation... he's a great guy.

I know that I have only ever had this much difficulty with the end of a relationship that was real to me, whether or not it was real to the guy. I only struggle with letting go when I really truly care. So perhaps this bout is the last bout. Maybe the next time I think of him it will be with nothing but gratitude for all of the things that were really really good without getting caught in the detailed memory. Or maybe I will suddenly find myself able to think, "good riddance".

Or maybe he'll call.

(I see all of you rolling your eyes! But it could happen.)
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