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    Friday, November 28, 2008

    With genuine puzzlement my grandfather asked me how, exactly, did I get into hypnotherapy. It was not a loaded and judgemental question, it was borne of an actual desire to know. Not necessarily to understand, just to know. He's like that, my grandfather... he's a story teller. In order to tell the story you have to learn the story, and so he asks - and then he listens.

    I told him about coming across a class schedule for the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts and being really interested in the mind-body transformational psychology program. I explained that the program is an associate's degree in occupational studies, and that when it is completed the credits can be transferred to a local college towards a bachelor's degree in psychology. Like most of my family he had not known that after graduating from high school I had wanted to major in psychology with a minor in music, and had allowed my father to discourage me.

    I said that one day I really hated my job, my career, and all of the people around me, and so I had gone on-line to find out what I could do right then to start getting out. There was a spiritual contracts class that weekend, and so I registered for and took it. That class was my introduction to SWIHA, to Linda Bennett, to Carolyn Myss and her archetype cards, and to hypnosis - although at that time I referred to it as guided meditation, which it also is.

    I told how the next time I was unable to stand what I was doing for even one more minute I had done the same thing - gone on-line to SWIHA to find out what I could do right then that would take me even one half of one step closer to out. It turned out that in all of the AOS program I was interested in, the only thing I could do was take the first hypnotherapy class. I wasn't particularly keen on learning hypnosis. But it was part of the program, and more than that, it was the part that I could do right then.

    Every one of Linda's classes that I have taken has started with a round robin introduction. At the beginning of the Hypnotherapy 1 class I gave my name and said that at the end of the spiritual contracts class I had made an agreement with myself to continue doing what I could do, and this was the next thing I could do. Not even half of the way through the class, I fell completely in love with hypnosis and knew it for what I'm supposed to be doing.

    My grandfather thought that was interesting and reciprocated with the story of completing his teaching degree in 1927. Continuing with the story of returning to graduate school after losing his job in 1934 to a combination of the depression & nepotism. Finishing up with a nice twist about taking a continuing education class alongside the man who had been his high school principal and who had given him the recommendation to the state teacher's school in the first place.

    A major component of Milton Erickson story telling is to frame and then reframe the client's experience. Which my grandfather did by first telling me about his path, and then being sure to let me know that based on his resounding success (he still has former students who get in touch with him - one time it was an entire school), I will also be successful. Of course, Milton Erickson's story telling is trance work, which my grandfather's story is not.... but I think I'd rather hear one of my grandfather's stories. :-)

    I am so thankful that I can spend more time with my grandfather now than I have been able to before now. The career that ate my life certainly did make it difficult for me to participate with my family in the way I would have liked. I have missed a lot.

    But I don't have to keep missing it!
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    Opinions

    I've been thinking about how, years ago, I had opinions and posted them everywhere. In particular on the Compuserve Mensa forum (now the Netscape Intelligence forum). But I also had web pages (oddly enough, still available here) which were pretty opinionated. It was easy, whatever I was thinking I spouted off on.

    Now it feels different. Here I am with the perfect opportunity to spout off and I don't really. I get lazy and don't want to type, or I'm doing something else and think I'll do it later, or - and this is mostly it - the opinionated moment doesn't last long enough for me to do it justice in writing. So it isn't that I'm out of ideas or topics, it's that I simply don't obsess the way that I used to.

    It's similar to the way that people who meet me now don't meet the engineer. Unless I choose to mention it, engineering doesn't even come up. It's like I'm a stranger when I introduce myself. And all of a sudden all of the things that have been mostly hidden from view are front and center... I think about a friend of mine on a recent business trip who made comments about rip-away outfits when he saw me without the shawl I'd been wearing and was shocked by cleavage. Engineering was a rip-away outfit; much more is exposed without it.

    I never have cared for political discussions. My opinions on politics are pretty strong, but so are everyone else's and I really don't enjoy that sort of heated debate. Mostly because in my opinion everything wrong with politics today can be attributed to the stupid two-party system which was really never intended and has the effect of severely limiting our options. And something seems not quite right with the electoral votes, too, but I don't have a hypothetical answer. And even if I did, there wouldn't be much I can do about it. What I get is one vote, the rest is pretty much out of my hands.

    Religious discussions can be just as difficult, but at least I can somewhat enjoy those. In particular I enjoy putting Bible quotes back into the context they were taken out of. In extra particular I enjoy doing that with certain Bible thumping fundamentalist relatives who seem to have permanently put their heads somewhere dark and warm. But where I used to enjoy the very structured philosophical debate style, I no longer do; it simply seems like so much wasted energy. We all think we're right - actually, the conclusion that I've come to is that we all ARE right. And just try to convince anybody of that.

    I know that I have opinions about hypnosis and Reiki and tarot. Pretty strong and fairly well formulated opinions, for that matter. As one would expect from a reformed engineer. It just seems so strange to express them. Not to mention that I've lost a lot of the forcefulness that used to be a trademark when people called me "E!"

    I'm currently reading a book of Erickson teaching stories, so maybe next time I'll have an opinion. Or maybe I'll settle for telling you a story.....
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    Thursday, November 27, 2008

    Happy Thanksgiving

    Okay, it's the end of the day and I should have typed this morning. But this morning I was busy being disorganized, so it had to wait. :-)

    What are you thankful for?

    Lately I have been unable to shut up about all of the things I'm thankful for - there seem to be so many of them; I'm completely amazed at the ways my life is changing. So since I'm late in the day anyway, I'll just skip the list that can be found in bits and pieces all over the other blog entries anyway.

    If you can't think of something to be thankful for, maybe my moment of silence can be it!
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    Tuesday, November 25, 2008

    Leaps of Faith

    My final check arrived yesterday, closing out my previous life. Coincidentally (or not), I ran into a multi-faceted friend who happens to have facets that include an accounting business and legal expertise. God always provides whatever it is that I need. I was really glad to see her, and as she put it to me yesterday, "He never makes a mistake".

    Faith is the only thing that makes this leap possible for me. The only thing that balances the moments of sheer terror that sneak up on me every now and then is the knowledge that I have always had the things I needed, and I always will have the things that I need, no matter how it appears on the surface. I remember years ago telling a friend that if I thought I needed something and it wasn't there, I must be mistaken and it wasn't what I needed. He didn't get that, was in fact appalled by that, saying it was like a starving person refusing to walk across the street for a tuna fish sandwich. But I still think I was right. None of this goes how I think it should, but nobody can say that it isn't going anywhere... it is so oBviously going soMewhere...

    Randall sent a new song the other day, and then he did a completley fabulous job of combining it with a song we already had on the list. The combination is perfect, it's awesome, I'm excited! The next CD should be out soon - as soon as we find the time to record ... before Christmas is our goal. I think we need to work on developing hypno-hop. The development of that track was so much fun. Someone recently told me that she liked our hypno-hop track better than what she had experienced with ecstatic trance/dance. So I have been investigating ecstatic trance/dance as well as the electronic music category psych-trance (which of course Randall already knew all about). It feels really good to pursue something different. The way that our talents and skills combine awes me continuously - he is the best gift.

    I met with my Reiki/Hypno swap partner last night, which was great after several weeks of being out of synch with each other. We didn't do any swapping, we had a great discussion instead. I mentioned to him that I seem to have something going on energetically and he said that it definitely seems that way to him. I get tingles, for lack of a better description. Out of the blue, often seemingly non-related to anything going on in the moment. I have wondered if it was distance Reiki from somewhere, but don't think that makes sense. Reiki and angels feel the same to me, so I have wondered whether the angels are up to something, or maybe it's messages. I have wondered whether it's simply that my relationships today are so positive that I get tingles instead of swampy crap. But no, I still get the swampy crap as well. :-D I wonder whether my massage therapist friend is right and there is a breaking up and rebirth of my body occurring. Whatever it is, though, it feels really good and sure is interesting.

    I have a small business networking lunch to attend today, I'm giving tarot readings tomorrow afternoon for a woman who has hired me for a party, and right now I think I'll go watch Muppets. I love the Muppets. I can't think of a better way to manage stress than by watching the Muppet show. And if you doubt that, you should try it.
    .

    Friday, November 21, 2008

    Getting Over It Already

    A week before I walked away from my former career, I also had a blow-up with the man I was seeing. That means that I blew up, and he said ok and walked away. There were clues, there was a reason for my explosion, but still the suddenness and completeness were a shock.

    It was also months ago now, so why do I still miss him? I have theories. At first when it seemed to be taking too long, I theorized that really it was a lot to let go of all at once (because it was), and that I was probably still taking the career out on him but in a different way. Okay, not thrilled with that, but I can deal with it.

    As I decompress, the further I get out of the woods, the less sense it makes to still miss him as much as I sometimes do. My friends roll their eyes at me and tell me it's over he's gone he is NOT the right guy. I know they're right. I know it. That seems really obvious at this point. It's just that in the instant he sat down at my table I distinctly heard, "here he is", and so I believed and went with that.

    For a moment I considered hypnosis. There is a method which can totally reframe an event or a person... there is a way to erase someone. .....Wow I really don't want to do that. There was way too much good to want to erase him just because of the less than good. Especially since that's all it was - less than good. It was not a traumatic relationship or situation... he's a great guy.

    I know that I have only ever had this much difficulty with the end of a relationship that was real to me, whether or not it was real to the guy. I only struggle with letting go when I really truly care. So perhaps this bout is the last bout. Maybe the next time I think of him it will be with nothing but gratitude for all of the things that were really really good without getting caught in the detailed memory. Or maybe I will suddenly find myself able to think, "good riddance".

    Or maybe he'll call.

    (I see all of you rolling your eyes! But it could happen.)
    .

    Monday, November 17, 2008

    Friendship

    I have the most amazing friends.

    That's really what a lot of things boil down to lately - the fabulous support and assistance I get from friends. I get amazing support from family, of course, but today I'm thinking about friends.

    I have friends who let me try new methods on them ( we call it "tinkering with your head"). I have friends who let me benefit by practicing their methods on me. I have friends in the hypno/reiki/tarot business who share what they know about the market even though technically we're competitors. I have friends who share their business experience and ideas even though they're not in the hypno/reiki/tarot business. Long time friends leave comments in a guest book, or buy the CD, or simply send an email to tell me to go for it. All of them are along for the ride and it is truly awesome.

    I'm learning lately that along with these friends, I also have friends in the industry I decided to leave. They may not understand the direction I've chosen, but they support it. Or they think that perhaps the burnout will wear off and I'll return. Two of them have given my information to recruiters - keeping me connected... letting me know that despite the worst case of explosive job burnout ever, despite my inability to retain my cool under massive amounts of pressure, despite any insanity and chaos they may have witnessed from afar or up close, they still think well of my abilities. That means a lot to me.

    I am simply not strong enough for that career. Not physically or emotionally. There are many things that I enjoyed about it, and I was very good at most of it, but I really am not quite suited to it. In my own most self-critical moments of darkness I see this career change as failure. But my friends let me know that they don't see it that way. Independently and severally they provide me with a more balanced view of myself than I would have without them. I think that's the whole point of friendship, don't you?

    So, friends of mine, thank you more than I can say for everything you are.
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    Wednesday, November 12, 2008

    About Parts Therapy

    Wow!

    That's the first thing that I have to say about parts therapy. It might also be the second thing that I have to say about parts therapy.

    Based on a recommendation from the Hypnobirthing® Institute I purchased a parts therapy book. Before I was even done reading it I was calling my friends to ask whether they'd like to try it. Two of them agreed, and all I can really say is that parts therapy is possibly the most powerful hypnotherapy technique for inner conflict resolution ever.

    Simply put, once the client has reached an appropriate depth of trance, the hypnotherapist asks each part of a conflict to come forward and speak. The hypnotherapist then mediates and helps the parts that are in conflict negotiate an agreement. After agreement has been reached, the parts reintegrate and supporting suggestions are given before the client comes out of trance.

    The client is aware of the process as an observer. In fact, both of my clients had additional information about the origins/workings of their parts. They were also each able to describe quite clearly how it felt when the parts came out - one client even had visual images of each part! This awareness on the part of the client makes it extremely important that the hypnotherapist give a clear and simple description of how parts therapy works before beginning a session. Clients need to understand that they are not having a breakout of multiple personalities.

    The awareness of my clients extended to the reintegration process as well. They saw and felt the parts go back to being parts of a whole, and were able to describe their thoughts and feelings during the process. One client had an intense kinesthetic experience as her parts reintegrated - physically feeling the process. The reintegration portion of the session is extremely important; the client should always leave a parts therapy session feeling whole, not fragmented!

    What, then, are these "parts"? Whenever we find ourselves saying, "well, part of me wants to do this, but another part wants to do that," we have parts in conflict. Whenever we feel that we really want to do something (such as quit smoking), and we don't know why we don't, we have parts in conflict. A "part" is simply that, a part of our conscious/subconscious mind that is performing a specific task for us.

    Science will probably find at some point that specific neurotransmitters are in charge of certain parts, much like we already know that certain parts of the physical brain perform specific functions. Even without such precise scientific knowledge, however, we can work with the parts of the mind to promote healing and change. Both of my clients came out of trance with a different facial appearance, and both reported feeling more peaceful, even after several days had elapsed.

    I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again - wow!
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    Saturday, November 8, 2008

    Meditation, Music & More Up and Running

    So I took a huge leap of faith a month or so ago and abandoned my former career in corporate America in order to work as a hypnotherapist, Reiki master practitioner, Gypsy card reader, and evidently also blogger.

    The emotional roller coaster that went with walking away seems to be over, although I do still have moments of sheer blind panic because technically I don't have an income!

    I spent the first three weeks playing Super Mario 64 nearly non-stop while I decompressed from the massive amounts of stress that prompted the leap in the first place. My brain has been clearing and relaxing, my physical body has been realigning itself (with help from my most favorite chiropractor in the entire world and from a truly awesome massage therapist), overnight my diet changed completely just like I secretly expected, my energy body has been releasing astonishing amounts of the most unexpected crap...

    Somewhere in those first few weeks I started waking up in the morning with actual energy. Not only that, I started staying awake all day without losing any energy. I was still tired for a while, but I stopped being exhuasted. Most days now I don't even need, want, or take a nap.

    The pendulum swing away from years of stress and forcing myself to do/be what I shouldn't, has gone directly to the other extreme of sitting around doing nothing for hours in the morning. I don't have to do mornings any more, and goshdarnit right now I'm not going to! Evidently. I had no idea that I had so much capacity for doing absolutely nothing. It will be nice when that part settles down as well.

    This week a musician friend of mine and I finished recording a self-hypnosis CD. I spent the week burning CDs, creating and printing labels, registering it on and sending it to CD Baby for promotion and distribution, and everything that went with all of that. It was an amazing amount of work, and I called my musician at one point to say, "I'm a slave driver!" He wanted to know if I'm just now noticing that about myself. Hm. No, I guess not. I guess it's good to put that tendency to work for myself and appreciate it, instead of putting it to work for someone else and having it exploited.

    Within the last few days I also set up my own domain web site, Meditation, Music & More, with Hostbaby Web Hosting. I want full blog ability for my web site, and this currently seems like the best way to accomplish that... but I imagine that I'll be doing a lot of experimenting and things probably won't hold still for a while until I get them settled into what works for me.

    After all -- what I do is all about me!
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